Mrs.BasketCase

Where Mom unleashes the inner monologue.

I Go To Bed Mad. Take That!

on February 2, 2014

I’m sure if you’ve been breathing in the last 15 years you’ve heard the marriage/relationship advice “Don’t go to bed mad.”  Well screw that.  I hear so many adages such as this that I want to vomit.  I have easy relationship advice for you.  STOP LISTENING TO MASS MEDIA RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.  Instead, listen to mine.  Because I’m so much cooler.  Or not, but here it is anyway.

1. Be super choosy before you marry, then quit nit picking once you’ve tied the knot.  This isn’t saying to quit giving a crap, but really, you should probably stop giving a crap.  At least about the way the toilet paper is put on the roll.  When you’re dating, I think you should keep your eyes peeled for things that you couldn’t live with for the next  50 years, like smacking when they eat or refusing to take a shower.  But if you’re an idiot and decided to marry them anyway despite your pet peeves, you should probably get over it.

2. People don’t change.  You may be able to get a few small habits to change, but you can never change a person’s core personality in my opinion.  You might get the above mentioned type of person to shower or quit smacking while they eat, but if they are just an annoying person, they will find other ways to be annoying.  A mean person will always be a mean person.  Marriage won’t change them.

3. Marriage doesn’t fix problems.  If you have problems in a relationship that are of a serious nature, marriage will not fix them.  Marriage will probably exacerbate the problems.  People jump into marriages way to quickly thinking “Oh we can work on this.”  No!  Work on it before you get married or end the relationship and find one that works for you that could produce an actual good marriage.

4.  Go to bed mad.  Seriously.  Sometimes, or all the time, people are idiots.  We say things we shouldn’t, we get mad over stupid stuff, we hurt the people we love.  Sometimes you just need to sit and calm down before you open your big mouth and make things worse.  I have literally heard of women keeping their husbands awake because “They all say you can’t go to bed mad, so stay up and deal with this even though its 3 am now and we still haven’t fixed this.”  How angry do you think their spouse is going to be after that nonsense?  The best thing I ever figured out for our marriage is to leave my husband the heck alone.  If he’s mad or if I’m mad, the worst thing I could do is to keep him awake or beat a dead horse trying to figure out a solution.  I don’t know how many times we have gone to bed and one of us has woken up and realized that we were an idiot.  If we had stayed up all night fighting, we probably wouldn’t have come to that conclusion.  Let each other have a minute to cool down and then revisit the issue, even if that means going to bed mad.

5.  Stop listening to everyone’s relationship advice.  There is no cut and dried pattern for a relationship.  What works for me may not work for you.  Every person is different, so every interaction is going to be different for everyone.  Should you stop taking advice completely?  Of course not!  But listening to advice and acting on it are two different things.  Listen to it and decide if you think it’s right for you and your partner.  Don’t base your relationship on what everyone else thinks it should be like.  Base it off what makes you and your partner happy.  That should be the only thing that matters.

There’s my two cents.  As I mentioned in #5, it may not work for you, but it’s a thought.  Maybe if we all started paying more attention to what our relationships are and what they can be instead of what they “should” be, we’d have a lot lower divorce rate.

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